


the sun will be guiding you

by chali



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-11-14 00:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18041759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chali/pseuds/chali
Summary: Allison kept a close eye on Vanya, trying to keep track of her moods and when she might need some support. Which was how she came to understand just how resilient Vanya actually was. It took her somewhat by surprise - the Vanya she remembered as a child had always been timid, withdrawn and shy.Allison couldn't understand how she could have been so blind as to why Vanya had been like that. She couldn't understand how she could be so blind to the outright emotional abuse from their father, from their brothers, from her. Allison never allowed herself to forget, even for a second, that she was part of the problem.But she'd be damned if she wasn't also going to be part of the solution.--A collection of one-shots about the siblings learning to be a family again.





	1. a good day

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I have so many feelings after watching The Umbrella Academy (twice, no shame) that I absolutely had to write something. This'll be a collection of one-shots based around the siblings' relationships with each other, both pre- and post-apocalypse, with maybe a few no-apocalypse ones tossed in. No Allison/Luther. Enjoy!

Diego watched Klaus as he flopped down on the bed next to Vanya, who looked at the boy - _'boy', how can we be boys again?_ \- as though he had grown a second head. And Diego's heart kind of broke at that. At the fact that Vanya had been so poorly treated, had been so _shunned_ all her life, and by them nonetheless, that even a casual show of affection, of comfort in each others' company, could be so surprising to her. It wasn't right. None of it - how they had acted, how _he_ had acted - had been right. It was something that they had to fix, this time around. Something that they _would_ fix.

But that was for later. For now, there was Klaus. And that voice in the back of Diego's head that had been nagging him incessantly for the two weeks since Five had brought them back to their childhood.

_You just saved my life, man!_

_Yeah, I did... take credit for it. In fact, the real hero - is Ben._

_the real hero_

"Whaddya say, Diego?" He jolted and looked up from the knife he was twirling in his hands. Klaus was looking at him with wide, expectant eyes. Vanya met his gaze only for a second before looking away, and Diego felt that heavy pang of guilt again. "Diego?"

"Uh, I wasn't listening. What do I say about what?" Klaus rolled his eyes and shifted until he was sitting cross-legged.

"We're going out, we three, and I was asking if you wanted waffles or donuts?" Diego frowned, and saw Vanya bite her lip, but Klaus just continued looking at him, bright and oblivious.

"Klaus," he began tiredly, "you know we can't just walk out of here anymore. The old bastard will lose it if we try again." It was perhaps the biggest drawback, in their collective opinion, of being back here. Their sudden return to childhood also meant a return to Reginald Hargreeves and his merciless regime. No coming and going as they pleased, no staying up after nine o'clock, no eating in between meals. Even after Diego had left it had never really occurred to him just how much of a _prison_ this house had been for them, with Reginald as their warden.

Klaus only snorted derisively.

"Oh, _come on_ , Diego," he turned to Vanya, and raised an eyebrow at her similar look of hesitance. "I used to sneak out all the time. _All_ the time!"

"Yeah, and how many times did da- _Reginald_ catch you?"

"Not that many!" Klaus said, placing an offended hand on his chest. "Only about... three out of five times."

"Still too many," Vanya muttered, and Diego felt his lips twitch.

"And only when I was too out of it to be sneaky. But that won't happen now," he grabbed one of Vanya's hands and clasped it between his own, smiling widely and sincerely at the two of them, "because I am - drumroll - _sober!_ Have been for weeks." Vanya slowly began to curl her fingers around Klaus' when she realised he wasn't going to let go any time soon. He noticed, and his grin stretched impossibly wider. "So, to return to the original question; waffles or donuts?" Diego shook his head and opened his mouth to retort, then Klaus added, "Plus if we _do_ get caught and ol' daddy _does_ get mad, isn't that just more fun?" and Diego paused a bit at that.

Ah, yes, one of the perks: another go at teenage rebellion.

"I - I don't think I should go," Vanya said, looking at her and Klaus' joined hands sullenly. "I'm not as 'sneaky' as the two of you. If I go you'll _definitely_ get caught. You two just go without me."

"Don't be stupid, Vanya," Diego said before he could stop himself. He winced as she curled in on herself, and softened his tone a bit at Klaus' glare. "We aren't going to just leave you behind." She looked up at him, eyebrows raised in surprise and hope and disbelief, and he added softly, "Not anymore."

_"So,"_ Klaus said loudly, looking at them both with raised eyebrows. They looked back at him blankly, and he rolled his eyes dramatically. _"Waffles?_ Or _donuts?"_

"Donuts," Vanya said.

"Waffles," Diego said at the same time. They looked at each other, then turned to Klaus. He smiled.

"Donuts it is."

* * *

They were seated in a booth at the donut shop a half-hour later, Klaus swinging his legs and humming inanely, glaring at something over Diego's shoulder every now and then, but otherwise content. Vanya, on the other hand... well, she surprised Diego. He had expected her to be a bundle of nerves, to be all but vibrating with worry. But no. She was vibrating with _excitement_. Pure, raw excitement. It was the most positive emotion Diego had seen from her since they'd gotten back, and he found himself smiling at her across the table.

"Well," Klaus said, clapping his hands. "Shall I go order?"

"No!" Vanya said, grabbing his arm. They both looked at her with wide eyes, and she blushed as she hastily removed her hand and returned it to her lap. "I, uh, I'll do it. I want to. I never - I never really came here that often, as a kid. I just - I want to." Klaus smiled at her, his eyes sad and heavy with the same shame Diego felt tugging at his chest. He stood to let her out, handed her a handful of coins, and shuffled to the end of the bench when he sat again. Vanya started towards the counter, then turned back to them.

"Um, what do you guys want?"

"I'll just have powdered," Diego smiled at her again, and was pleased when he got a rather hesitant one in return.

"Surprise me, dear sister," Klaus said, his elbow resting on the table and his cheek pillowed in his palm. Vanya looked a bit nervous at that, but nodded and went to the counter anyway. Diego recognised the woman behind the counter, younger now than she had been when he'd questioned her, and his heart ached as he thought of Eudora.

"...away," Diego turned to Klaus, who was angrily swatting the empty space next to him. "No - _no_ , just go _away_ , god dammit. Go-"

"Klaus? Klaus!" He turned to Diego, still swatting, and tried to smile.

"No worries, Diego dear, just some noisy little fella getting on my _god damn_ nerves - go away!"

"Hey," Diego glared at the empty space, trying not to feel like an idiot. "Clear off, let us have our donuts in peace. Go bother someone else, asshole." Klaus' actions slowed, and then ceased, and Diego watched as his eyes trailed from the bench back to somewhere over Diego's shoulder. Klaus frowned heavily for a moment, then breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, _finally_ ," he muttered, "some peace and quiet."

"Do they do that often?"

"Hm?"

"The ghosts. Do they - bother you often? Yell at you, that kind of stuff?" Klaus shrugged, and started pulling a loose thread on his blazer sleeve. Diego frowned at the familiar old nervous habit.

"Not - well, I mean, yeah. A bit. Now that I'm sober. Come to think of it," he looked up at Diego thoughtfully, "you've never done that before." Diego blinked.

"Done what?"

"Y'know, spoken to them. Or even _acknowledged_ them. Usually you guys would all just look at me as if I was crazy." He said it lightly, and laughed a little afterwards, but Diego felt that guilt creeping back with his words.

"W-well, that's-"

"Okay, okay, here," Vanya reappeared beside them, three plates balanced precariously in her hands, and Diego and Klaus hastily took their's from her hands. She breathed a shaky sigh of relief, and slumped down next to Klaus, who was loudly and dramatically praising her choices of raspberry jelly for him, and chocolate for herself. She was blushing at the praise, looking every bit the thirteen year old that she had been reverted into, and Diego felt his guilt fade. In its place came the warm contentedness that he felt any time Vanya managed to feel relaxed and comfortable in their presence - when she laughed openly at one of Klaus' jokes, when she held Ben's hand to help him feel alive again, when he caught her napping with Allison. It was slow going, and it was tentative, but they were getting there.

And it felt _good_. One look at Klaus' face told Diego that he was feeling the same, and without another word they all dug into their forbidden donuts. 

* * *

They stayed until the late evening, eating as many donuts as Klaus' meager stash of money could get them. They snuck back into the house through one of the windows in a downstairs corridor. Diego watched, vaguely impressed, as Klaus expertly shimmied it open, the rusty hinges making next to no sound at all, and held it open for him and Vanya to clamber through. Then he jumped through himself, landing lightly on his feet, and eased the window shut again. He caught Diego's arm as he started off down the corridor.

"Not that way," he whispered, eyes bright with mischief and delight. "Dad's study is down that way. We go round the other way, past Pogo's room. He's usually asleep at this time." He slipped his hand down Diego's arm until it was grasping his, and the only thing stopping Diego from shaking him off was the soft smile on Vanya's face when Klaus did the same with her. They set off down the corridor, pausing by Pogo's door to make sure that he truly was asleep before creeping past. They climbed the stairs quickly, carefully avoiding the ones Klaus warned them creaked. By the time they made it back to Klaus' room Vanya was breathless with laughter, and Klaus had a grin on his face that Diego could only describe as proud, and he himself was feeling... warm. Content.

This was just a taste of what their first childhood should have been like - and only the beginning of what their second one was going to be.

_"Oh,"_ Vanya gasped, placing one hand on her midriff and still holding Klaus' in the other, "that was fun..."

"It most certainly was, dear sister," Klaus said smugly, and he pulled her over to sit in the same spots they had been in before they left. Diego moved to sit on the floor by the door again, but then decided to push his luck that little bit further, and went to sit on Vanya's empty side. She turned to him, and smiled shyly. And when she held out her free hand, he took it without hesitation. Her smile widened, and he gave her one in return. When they turned back to Klaus, they found him looking at them with the air of a proud mother watching her child's first steps.

"Klaus, you were incredible!" Vanya said, her voice still breathy with excitement. "You know this place inside-out!" He puffed out his chest and raised his chin.

"Well, of course," he said, puffing out his chest and raising his chin. "If there's _one_ thing, at least, that I'm good at, it's breaking the rules-"

"Shut up." They both snapped their gazes to Diego, and it took him a moment to realise it was him that had spoken. It took him a moment longer to figure out why he had, then he remembered what had been bothering him for weeks. "That's not _'all you're good at'_ , you idiot. Don't say shit like that." Klaus blinked at him, looking genuinely taken aback.

"Well, by golly, dear brother. Have _you_ been taking something? You're awfully friendly, this evening-"

"I'm serious, Klaus," Diego said, trying to keep the usual bite out of his tone. "We're all trying to be better, not just with Vanya, but with each other, too. But you have to be better with _yourself_ , as well." Klaus' grin was sliding, and his eyes were getting that strange shadowed look that Diego had grown horribly familiar with over the past few weeks.

"I'm serious, too, Diego," he said quietly, all trace of humour gone. "I mean, this is the longest I've been sober since I was, what, _twelve?_ I didn't exactly spend my life building any skills, or anything."

"We're _all_ fucked up, Klaus, in different ways. Doesn't mean you're _useless,_ or - or _weak,_ or whatever the hell you think."

He looked at Klaus, and at Vanya. At perhaps the two siblings that they had failed the most. "Whatever we _made_ you think." Vanya sniffed, and squeezed Diego's hand.

"He's right, Klaus," she said, eyes shining as she caught his gaze and held it. "I - I don't really remember much from the - the concert, but - I do remember Ben. How you managed to-"

"But that wasn't _me_ ," Klaus interrupted, looking between the two of them incredulously, as though expecting to find a hidden joke. "That was _Ben_ , you said it yourself. I didn't-"

"It _was_ you, Klaus," Diego insisted. "It was _your_ power. And - and it was your sobriety, too. I mean, I still don't know what made you suddenly decide to get sober-" and he still couldn't bring himself to ask, not when it made Klaus flinch and his face go pale and his eyes fill with tears, as it did now "- but I could tell how hard it was for you. You did it, _alone_ because we were all too stuck up our own asses to help you, and you saved us." Klaus was shaking his head, eyes wide and disbelieving.

"Where is all of this coming from?" He whispered hoarsely, mouth agape.

"It's like Diego said," Vanya said, "we're all trying to be better. No more putting each other down, or ignoring each other, or lying to each other. No more _hurting_ each other." She pulled their hands up to her chest, clasped over her heart, and looked at them with such sincere _love_ , even after everything they had done to her, that Diego wondered, not for the first time, how they could ever have been so cruel to her in the first place. "And that means no more hurting ourselves, either. Right?"

"Right," Diego nodded. They both stared at Klaus until he, too, nodded shakily.

"Y-yeah, right." They smiled at each other, rather shakily, and rather tearily, but with more happiness and love than they had all felt in a long time.

"Well, that was downright _adorable."_

Diego absolutely did _not_ scream. Klaus did, and Vanya jumped so sharply that the whole room trembled. They all spun around to see Five lounging in the doorway, watching them with that infuriating smirk of his that had somehow only gotten more sassy in the forty-five years he had been gone.

"Jesus _fuck_ ," Klaus hissed, releasing his grip on Diego to press his hand against his chest. "Why do you always insist on sneaking up on us, old man?" Five snorted.

"I did not 'sneak up on you'. I didn't even jump here, I just walked in the door. Not my fault you guys were too invested in your little heart-to-heart to hear me." He looked at Diego, and his smirk widened. Diego felt his cheeks darken and quickly stood, still glaring at Five.

"Whatever," he muttered, as he made to storm out. He was just passing Five at the door when Klaus called his name. He turned and found him smiling again, looking at him with so much love and gratitude that Diego felt as though his chest might burst.

"Thank you," was all Klaus said. Diego smiled at him, and saw Vanya do the same, and they all looked at each other for a few moments, still slightly giddy from the night's events. Then Diego caught sight of Five's face, and face burning, turned and left.

He slammed his bedroom door closed, and lay down on the bed. He smiled.

It had been a good day.


	2. stuck together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus and Ben have been stuck together for years, and they'd always assumed that if there ever came a chance for them to be free from their forced bond, they'd take it without question or complaint. Ben is starting to wonder at how naive they could've been.

Ben woke to the feeling of warm arms wrapped around him, and soft breath tickling his ear. He furrowed his brow sleepily and opened his eyes, turning to peer blearily through the darkness. He found Klaus sleeping next to him. Again. He sighed, and laid his head back on his pillow. It was quiet in the house, and the light shining in through his window was dim and grey. He estimated that they still had a few hours before Grace rang the bell for breakfast, and made no move to get up.

Klaus shifted slightly next to him, and Ben rolled his eyes as he felt his brother's icy foot against his ankle. He tried, as he did every morning he woke to his brother sleeping next to him, to work up enough irritation to kick the other boy out of his room - but he still couldn't quite manage it. How could he? How could deny both Klaus and himself this comfort? After all, they had waited over a decade for a chance like this. A chance to _touch_ each other again, to hold each other, to ease even a fraction of the loneliness that they each carried.

If Ben having a real body again, if Ben being _alive_ again, meant that he was going to have Klaus crawling into his bed and clinging to him like a monkey almost every night from now on... well, he found he didn't actually mind it that much.

At least his brother was kind enough to keep his pajamas on.

* * *

It was Five that pointed it out to him, in that infuriatingly abrupt, heedless way of his. They had been sitting in Allison's room today, all of them - something that was _definitely_ going to take a lot of getting used to - when Klaus had suddenly announced that they needed snacks. He had stood fluidly, declared his plan to raid the kitchen and return to them with something 'suitably unhealthy', and had turned to leave, ignoring some half-hearted protests from Luther and Vanya.

Ben hadn't even noticed himself following until Five said, "You know you don't actually _have_ to follow Klaus around everywhere anymore, right?" and they had both frozen, looking at each other with wide eyes until Allison called their names, small and questioning. Then, with a shake of his head and a small, sad smile, Klaus had shooed him away and left, closing the door behind him before Ben could follow.

Ben had stood for a few more seconds, before Allison called him again and he returned to his seat on the bed next to her.

They were all looking at him, waiting for him to say something. To explain. To dispel the newfound tension in the air. But he couldn't. Not when Klaus' face was still imprinted on his memory. That look - he had seen it so many times, over the years. That horribly _sad_ look of hurt and fear and loneliness. Ben didn't want to do that. He didn't want to be one of the people who could put that look on Klaus' face. Not after everything that Klaus had done for him over the years -

And then with that thought came the anger. The confusing flash of _resentment_ that kept creeping up on him in the weeks since they had returned. Because why did he have to feel guilty for being alive again? What right did Klaus have to be upset that Ben could now move freely? What right did his brother have to keep him all to himself when, for the first time in so many years, he was finally able to spend time with the rest of his family, whom he had missed so dearly?

Ben had _nothing_ to feel guilty about. Nothing at all.

"Ben?"

"Hm?" He turned to Allison, who was still looking at him worriedly. He glanced around the room and noticed the similar expressions on all of his siblings' faces. He aimed for a smile. "Sorry. It's fine. I'm just - thinking. This is taking a while to get used to - being alive." He tried to ignore the way they all shifted uncomfortably. It was a topic they all avoided desperately, Ben included.

"Sorry," Five said quietly, uncharacteristically sheepish. "I was just making an observation. I didn't mean for - whatever _that_ was."

"It's _fine_ ," Ben said pointedly. "You're right, anyway. Klaus and I _aren't_ tied together anymore. We're both free from each other now." As he said this the door opened again, and Klaus reentered the room with his arms full of a loaf of bread, a tub of peanut butter and a bag of marshmallows. He set his haul down in the middle of their little circle, pulled some butter knives out of his pocket, and didn't look at Ben once.

Despite his earlier anger, Ben found himself sincerely hoping that Klaus hadn't heard them talking. He could tell that he had, though.

"Where did you even _find_ these?" Luther murmured, sounding awestruck. Diego met Ben's gaze, and they both smirked.

"Right!" Klaus said, standing and clapping, the smile that he cast round at them all not quite reaching his eyes. "Vanya, dear, you're the expert in the art of peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches. Why don't you show us how it's done?"

The rest of their daily gathering was spent coaxing smiles out of Vanya and teasing Luther and eating enough sandwiches that Ben was sure none of them were going to eat their dinner. He kept looking at Klaus, already regretting and wondering at his earlier burst of vitriol and wishing that Klaus would catch his eye, or send him a smile, or _something_. But Klaus didn't look at him even once during the next hour, and Ben couldn't find the right words to say to him, nor the right time to say them with their siblings there too, and when their father's voice rang through the house, demanding that they come downstairs to begin the day's training, Klaus had disappeared out the door before Ben had even managed to stand up.

Klaus avoided him for the rest of the day. Sitting next to him at dinner, Ben attempted several times to get his attention. To meet his eyes, or take his hand. He eventually tried to talk to him, to tell him how sorry he was for what he had said, how _confused_ he was feeling, how complicated everything had gotten - but he had barely gotten out Klaus' name before their father had cut him off sharply, reminding them all forcefully of the 'no talking during meals' rule that they were still getting used to living under again. Klaus offered him a tight-lipped smile, barely even a shadow of his usual playful grin, and when dinner was over excused himself quickly, retreating to one of his many hiding places throughout the house. None of them saw him again that day.

Ben went to bed that night feeling nervous and wrung out, and woke alone the next morning.

* * *

There were moments, in the weeks after they were sent back, that Ben would forget. Forget that he really was there, with them all. That they could see him, and hear him, and touch him. That he was _alive_. They could all see him struggling, he knew. He could tell in the way that none of them ever let him be alone for more than an hour at a time, or how they made sure to touch him as often as possible - a hug from Allison, a nudge from Five or Diego or Luther, Vanya reaching out to take his hand and hold it securely between her own. It helped, it really did, and he was immensely grateful for their efforts.

It also _really_ stressed him out.

Ben had gone years, over a _decade_ , with next to no physical contact at all. The only other beings he had been able to touch were the other ghosts that followed Klaus everywhere. He had resigned himself, early on, to that sorry fact, and not long after that had come to accept that the only people he would ever be able to interact with would be Klaus and the rest of his dead companions.

He had come to terms with it, he had made _peace_ with it. So now, after so long, suddenly being surrounded by living, breathing people who spoke to him and expected him to answer, who touched him and held him - it could be quite overwhelming. His family could be quite overwhelming. Except - and this had surprised him more than anything - Klaus.

Ben and Klaus had joked about it often, when he had been dead: how unfortunate it was that of all the siblings Ben would end up tied to, it was the junkie trouble-maker he landed with; how if there was ever a chance of him coming back to life he was sure to get away from Klaus as quickly as possible; how he must be sick to _death_ (a pun Klaus insisted on using incessantly) of his brother by now. They had been _joking_ , but Ben would never have guessed just how _wrong_ they had really been. Of course, it was great not being bound to each other all the time, and it was absolutely delightful not to have to witness every demented and deprived thing that Klaus insisted on doing - but if Ben lost sight of him, if he was apart from him for too long, he couldn't help but feel uneasy.

It wasn't that he thought Klaus was in trouble - he usually knew exactly where Klaus was, what he was doing. They weren't even allowed out of the house, their father's strict supervision making it almost impossible to sneak out, though Ben knew that Klaus was perfectly capable of doing so anyway. It was just that, when they were apart, Ben felt _alone_. It didn't matter that he was nearly always with someone else, or that his siblings made absolutely sure that he would never have to feel alone again. None of that mattered.

If Klaus wasn't there, it felt as though half of him was missing.

Which was why, when Klaus began to actively pull away from him, Ben felt as though he was being torn apart. He felt lost every time Klaus turned away from him, or failed to return a smile, or only gave him short, clipped answers when he tried to talk to him. The others noticed. They were keeping such a close eye on Ben he would have been amazed if they had missed it.

He had caught them glaring at Klaus whenever he was curt with Ben, and had even overheard Diego and Luther telling him rather harshly to 'get his shit together'. Ben waited until one of their daily gatherings - usually during the small amount of free time their father's training regime left them - when Klaus excused himself to the bathroom to bring it up. When he was absolutely positive that Klaus wasn't going to walk in on them again, he started.

"Guys," he said, cutting through their quiet conversations like a knife through butter. They all fell silent and turned to look at him, "I know you're just looking out for me - and I appreciate it, I really do - but _please_ , don't be so harsh on Klaus. This is... hard. For both of us." Diego frowned.

"We get that, Ben. But the way he treats you sometimes - it's just not - _fair_."

"He _is_ being quite mean about it," Allison said quietly, "don't you think?" Ben shook his head.

"It's complicated. This is - it's a situation that we'd talked about, before. Me coming back to life. Obviously we had been joking, we'd never expected it to actually happen. But it was always - I don't know. I guess we just hadn't expected it to be so - _complicated_."

"'Complicated' in what way?" Vanya asked. Ben sighed, frustrated, wishing he could figure out the answer to that question.

"I mean," he tried, "me and Klaus have been together, _stuck_ together, for years. We could drive each other more than a little crazy at times. And we'd always assumed that, given the opportunity, we would want to spend as much time away from each other as possible. But now that we actually _can_ , I just-"

"Don't." Ben looked at Five, and nodded. The others frowned as they thought about it. "But Klaus," Five continued, after a few moments of contemplative silence, "does _he_ know that that's how you feel?" Ben blinked, and thought about it. Five looked as though he were coming to a conclusion - a conclusion that had been obvious from the start. "He doesn't. We've been thinking about this all wrong. Klaus doesn't _not_ want to spend time with Ben - he thinks that _Ben_ doesn't want to spend time with _him_."

Ben felt that anxious pit in his stomach deepen.

"So, then, that's why-" he cut himself off abruptly as footsteps sounded from down the hall, and a few seconds later Klaus reentered the room. He froze in the doorway, taking in their thoughtful, guilty expressions. He blinked.

"O~ _kay_ , what did I miss?"

"N-nothing," Ben said hastily, swallowing thickly when Klaus looked at him suspiciously. He opened his mouth to push them further, when Vanya decided to cut in.

"Luther farted."

Ben _choked_. They all dissolved into peals of laughter, Luther's indignant protests going ignored. Vanya looked distinctly pleased with herself, and Diego and Five were looking at her with an incredulous, newfound respect. Klaus collapsed onto the floor, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks and arms wrapped around his stomach.

"Oh," he gasped, "I don't even _care_ if it's true or not. Vanya, dear, you have astounded me. I'm blown away. Bravo, sister, _bravo_." Vanya smirked, pointedly avoiding meeting Luther's eyes as he insisted that it most definitely was _not_ true. Instead, she looked at Ben, and gave him a small nod of reassurance. He repeated the gesture, grateful for the small amount of time she had bought him.

He would fix this. He just had to figure out the right thing to say.

* * *

It took longer than Ben would have liked for him to gather his thoughts. One of the main drawbacks of being alive was that he now had actual _responsibilities_ again. He had to eat, and sleep. He had to train. And he found that he also had to offer his siblings as much reassurance that he was alive as they offered him. More often than not his days were so busy that he didn't have any time to himself to formulate a plan until he was in his bed.

Which was why it wasn't until almost an entire week after discovering the root of the problem that he found himself standing outside Klaus' door, the others having retired to bed. He took a steadying breath, then knocked on the door. There was no answer. Ben frowned, and tried again, receiving the same silence. He sighed, and turned the handle.

 _Should've known better_ , he thought to himself as he looked at his brother lying on his bed in his pajamas, trembling arms wrapped tightly around himself, eyes tightly shut, headphones planted solidly over his ears with the music playing so loudly Ben could hear Blondie from where he stood framed in the doorway. Klaus didn't hear him when he called his name, and with his eyes closed couldn't see him standing there, so Ben sighed again and stepped further into the room, closing the door firmly behind him. He slowly walked forward, and sat on the bed by Klaus' bare feet. He reached out and rested his hand on his brother's ankle.

Klaus flinched so violently he almost fell off the bed, and his eyes snapped open. Ben smiled as his eyes came to rest on him, and he saw the gears turning in Klaus' head. Saw the exact moment that he remembered.

"Hey," Klaus said, and they both ignored the tremor in his voice.

"Hey," Ben whispered back.

"Can't sleep?" Ben shook his head.

"We need to talk this out, Klaus." Klaus pulled his leg out from Ben's gentle grip, and shifted until he sat cross-legged. Ben mirrored the position across from him, and they looked at each other, waiting. Ben took note of just how exhausted his brother looked, face pale and bloodshot eyes pillowed on heavy bags. "You look like shit, man." Klaus snorted.

"Well, _danke_. Opening with an insult. Best way to start any heart-to-heart." Ben smiled at the hint of Klaus' usual playfulness.

"Look, I know-"

"Ben, it's okay," Klaus interjected, "you don't have to explain it to me. I mean, this is what we'd talked about, right? We never really thought it would ever happen - hell, that it even _could_ happen - but here we are! You don't have to - put up with my bullshit anymore. You're _free_ now, just like-"

"Klaus, _stop_." Ben reached forward and took Klaus' cold hands in his, squeezing them. "Don't you get it? That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that I - I was wrong. We were _both_ wrong, when we talked about how we thought I'd feel if I were alive again. I - I _did_ always think that I'd love to be able to move freely, to not have to follow you about everywhere, to not be limited in where I could go. And it _is_ great to have that freedom again, but - Klaus, you're my brother. But more than that, you're my _best friend_. I don't want to - drift away. I don't want to _lose_ you because of this, Klaus. I just need some time to adjust, you know? I don't - I _can't_ -"

"Ben, _Ben_ , hey," Klaus turned his wrists so that he could return Ben's death grip on his hands. "I - I didn't know. I never thought - I figured you wanted space. I thought you..." he trailed off, eyes as wide and tearful as Ben was sure his own were. "God, we're _so_ dumb," he continued in a hushed voice. "I mean, you'd think, after over a decade of being stuck in each other's company, we'd know each other's thought processes a teeny bit better. But _no_ , we're both just as dumb and oblivious as each other."

" _No_ one is as dumb and oblivious as you, Klaus," Ben muttered, laughing when Klaus did.

"Still," Klaus said, sobering up, "you're my best friend, too, Ben. Obviously. I - I don't want to lose you either, but - I don't want to be what holds you back, either. You have your _life_ back, Ben. You shouldn't have to spend it looking after my 'scrawny little junkie ass'." Ben winced as his own words rang through his head.

"But that's not you anymore, Klaus. You're sober." Uncertainty stole into his brother's face, as it usually did when it came to his sobriety.

"Yeah, well," Klaus muttered, looking at their joined hands sullenly, "I doubt it'll last. 's only a matter of time before the old man locks me up again, and after that-"

"I won't let that happen, Klaus. I _won't_."

"You might not be able to stop it, Ben. You know that." He did know.

"I'll do whatever I can. You won't be _alone_ , Klaus. Never again. I'm not leaving you. And I'm not staying with you because I have to, I'm staying because I _want_ to." He let Klaus search his face for the lie, and smiled. Klaus took a moment to smile back, but when he did, it was blinding. He nodded.

"Now," he said, his usual exuberance somewhat restored, "what say you to some sleep? I, for one, could definitely do with some - _god_ knows the ghosties haven't been letting me get any for the past few nights..."

"I can tell."

"Do you want to, uh... you can stay," Klaus said, gesturing at the bed lamely, "if you want to." Ben waited until Klaus looked at him again before grinning.

"I thought we'd just established that I'm not going anywhere, dumbass," he told him fondly. Klaus barked in laughter.

"Right, of _course_. How could I forget? I'm stuck with you, aren't I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated!


	3. making amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison has her own demons to deal with, but for now, there's a certain sister that needs more support than her. And, by god, she'll personally make sure Vanya gets it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of hand-holding. Enjoy!

It's strange how much one can get used to in such a short amount of time. They had been back almost two days, and Allison had been asked by almost every one of her siblings, several times, if she was okay.

Apparently she was quiet. Too quiet.

She couldn't help it, though. After the cabin, after Vanya had - Allison had resigned herself to a voiceless life. She had forced herself to accept it, at least for the time being. Because Vanya, her sister, had needed her. There hadn't been time to panic, or heal, or grieve.

So, she had gotten on with it. Had ignored her own hurt and terror in favour of trying to help Vanya battle her own hurt and terror. That was what she had focused on, poured all of her energy into.

Which was perhaps why now, with all of them back in their thirteen year old bodies, her throat uncut and vocal chords undamaged, she couldn't quite come to terms with the fact that she could, in fact, speak again. Everything had happened so fast - not just the travelling back in time, _all_ of it.

From their father's funeral to Five reappearing to the attack on the house. To finding out that Vanya, sweet Vanya, has had powers all along - the most destructive powers that Allison had ever seen. Getting her throat cut and being turned back into a child had happened within twenty four hours of each other. 

So, Allison couldn't snap out of it. Not quite yet, anyway. But she _had_ to. Because for every silence that she should have been filling, Vanya suffered. She could see it in the way her shoulders hunched, in the way she flinched away from all of them, and refused to meet anyone's eyes. And Allison didn't want to do that. She didn't want to hurt her sister any more than she already had. She had to change.

They all did.

* * *

"Hey, Vanya," Allison whispered, knocking gently on her sister's door. Vanya still jolted in spite of Allison's care, and almost subconsciously took a small step away from her. Allison tried to smile, "I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to, uh, spend some time together? You know, just - together?"

"U-uh," Vanya looked down at her feet, and shuffled on the spot for a few moments, before she nodded minutely. "Sure." Allison just barely managed to hold back her sigh of relief - she had been expecting Vanya to find some excuse to turn her down, just as she had been doing with them all as much as she could.

"Great! Um, do you want to stay in here? Or we could go to my room? Or... well, there's the rest of the house, but Dad might catch us-"

"Your room is fine. It's bigger than mine, anyway." Allison frowned slightly at that.

"Yeah, I guess it is. You know, we could probably move you to a bigger room if you wanted?" Vanya shook her head.

"I'm fine here. It's - it's fine."

"Are-" Allison stopped. _Don't push her._ "If you're sure. Okay, then. Let's go to my room." She stepped to the side and waited for Vanya to hesitantly pass her before following her down the corridor to her own bedroom. Allison ushered Vanya inside and closed the door behind them. When she turned around Vanya was standing in the middle of the room, eyes down and body tense. Allison sighed.

"Vanya," she began wearily, "you don't need to feel so -  _afraid_ , or nervous, around me. Around any of us." Vanya didn't respond, didn't lift her eyes or give any indication of having heard her. She continued, "We aren't going to hurt you, and we aren't going to belittle you. Not anymore. And I won't let Dad or Luther or _anyone_ lock you up again-"

"I-" Allison stopped abruptly as Vanya spoke, voice quiet and tremulous, "I don't want to hurt you." Allison shook her head.

"You won't-"

"You don't know that-"

"I _do_ know."

"I already hurt you before."

"It's different now, Vanya. What happened before was an accident. And it happened because we were arguing, and you were heartbroken, and afraid - you know more about your powers now, even if it isn't much. And - and I know you don't believe it - _can't_ believe it, not right now, but - you can trust us. We're your family, and we're going to start acting like it. You're safe with us, Vanya. I promise." Vanya looked at her then. Looked at her closely. And Allison looked back, unwavering, pouring as much sincerity and love into her gaze as she could until Vanya hesitantly nodded. Allison smiled, and reached out to take Vanya's hand and lead her over to the bed so that they could both sit.

"Good. Now that that's settled, what should we do? I mean, normally I would suggest we go get drinks or see a movie or something, but I doubt we'd even be allowed out the house let alone served alcohol in our current states." Vanya huffed a small laugh and Allison felt as though a weight had been lifted from her heart.

"Yeah," Vanya agreed, "I guess we're going to have a lot of problems with that." They fell silent, thinking. Vanya made no move to pull her hand out of Allison's grasp, so she held onto it, tangling their fingers together and rubbing her thumb over Vanya's knuckles.

"Wow," Allison murmured after a long moment had passed. "What did we even _do_ when we were kids, apart from train all the time? I mean, I can't think of a single thing to do."

"Didn't you have a plan when you asked me to hang out?" Allison laughed and shook her head sheepishly.

"I, uh, I guess I didn't."

"Well... I guess we could just, uh..." Vanya frowned. "God, I really don't know. All I ever really did was practise violin. Our childhoods were pretty shitty."

"Isn't that the truth," Allison muttered, and they smiled at each other. _We can do this,_ she thought. _Yeah. We can do this._

* * *

Allison kept a close eye on Vanya after that, trying to keep track of her moods and when she might need some support. Which was how she came to understand just how _resilient_ Vanya actually was. It took her somewhat by surprise - the Vanya she remembered as a child had always been timid, withdrawn and shy.

Allison couldn't understand how she could have been so blind as to why Vanya had been like that. She couldn't understand how she could be so blind to the outright emotional abuse from their father, from their brothers, from _her_. Allison never allowed herself to forget, even for a second, that she was part of the problem. But she'd be damned if she wasn't also going to be part of the solution.

She watched the way father would reprimand Vanya, with cruel words regarding her lack of power or her worthlessness in the Academy, and would go to comfort her later, expecting to find her in tears or having a panic attack or struggling to control her powers - only to find her almost completely unfazed. Or at least, that was what Vanya would have her believe. But Allison had witnessed the truth now. She knew what Vanya had hidden behind those masks she wore, those sad smiles and quiet assurances.

Allison knew, and regretted everything.

"It's complicated," she would tell Vanya, who wore a face as still and blank as carved stone. "We can't risk to big a change in our behaviours too quickly, or Dad will pick up on something. He'll pick up on you stopping your meds, or on us knowing about your powers. We - we _can't_ do anything-"

"I know, Allison," Vanya would say, a lying smile curving her lips. "It's okay."

And so it would continue; their father's callous abuse, and Allison's comfort offered too late. Until one day, it changed.

It was the first afternoon that they had spent together since Five had brought them back a week previously. Surprisingly, it had been Diego's idea to start their daily "gatherings". The others had reluctantly agreed to it, none of them able to deny the sense that it made, but Vanya had been silent, suspicious. Allison had shared the sentiment, until she caught side of the regret in Diego's eyes every time he looked at Vanya. She thought about how he had been with her, before. His cruel words, his dismissive attitude, his clear resentment of her. But it was what lay underneath it all that Allison saw now.

 _He's always been like that_ , Allison realised. _Just like Vanya, always hiding behind a mask._

"That's a great idea, Diego," she had said, reaching out to take Vanya's hand in hers and smiling at her brother. "A really great idea."

And so, there they all were. Together. Spending time together. Voluntarily. Not for the first time, Allison wondered if this were all some bizarre, elongated nightmare.

She and Vanya were seated next to each other, backs against the wall of Luther's room. They had chosen his room solely for his wide collection of music, which Klaus had spent the past ten minutes rifling through without seeming to find a single record that 'fit his current mood'. Allison rolled her eyes and smirked as she watched Luther's already tenuous grasp on his temper slip further with each passing second. She heard Vanya huff a small laugh next to her, and turned to find her watching their siblings' silliness with a small, shy smile on her face.

Allison was still watching her when something shifted in Vanya's expression, smile disappearing as though it had never even been there in the first place, eyes widening before dropping to the floor, hair falling forward to hide her face from view. Allison blinked, stunned, then looked up to where Vanya had been looking - Luther.

 _Of course_ , Allison thought bitterly. _He's still as overprotective and paranoid as he was before. These new circumstances haven't changed that._ He was watching their sister now with hard eyes, the corners of his mouth pulled down in a scowl similar to the ones he used to wear on missions. Similar to the one their father would use when reprimanding them all. Allison felt her breath catch in her throat.

She loved Luther. She loved all of her siblings, but there was something different between her and Luther, there always had been. Their father disapproved, and she knew the others weren't exactly keen on it either, but still - it was something neither of them had control over. No one can choose who they're in love with. Allison's childhood romance with Luther had been as idyllic as they could manage in such a regimented environment, and they had been happy together until the Academy began crumbling around them. It hadn't been until a few weeks ago, when they'd reunited after years of distance and change, that Allison managed to remove herself from her rose tinted image of him.

He was _different_. Different than he had been, and different to how she had always thought him. He was still goofy, still loyal to a fault, still kind - to her at least. But underneath it all, and perhaps _above_ all, he was his father's son. At least for now. _It's how Dad raised him to be,_ Allison thought regretfully, _it's not his fault. It's just another thing we need to work on. But for now..._

"Luther," she said. His eyes immediately softened as they moved from Vanya to Allison, and the hard lines on his too-young face smoothed away. She forced herself not to give, and kept her voice and gaze hard as she continued. "Stop looking at Vanya like she's a threat. Or she'll be the least of your worries." He blinked, and sputtered, and his cheeks flushed with indignant colour. Allison could feel Vanya watching her, and reached out to take her hand.

Klaus let out a low whistle, and Allison turned to find him and Diego looking at her with wide eyes. Five's eyebrows were raised, and she almost thought she could see a hint of pride in his eyes. She could definitely see it in Ben's.

"I-" Luther began, voice choked.

"Allison is right," Five spoke up, looking at Luther with a sternness that Allison was still trying to get used to seeing on him. "You need to be better with each other. And especially with Vanya. She needs _support_ now, not judgement."

"' _You_ '?" Luther said, defensive. He turned to glare at Five. "Not ' _we_ '?" Five rolled his eyes, unfazed.

"I don't know if you've maybe forgotten, Luther, but I wasn't exactly _around_ for most of your lives. And if I remember correctly Vanya and I got along quite splendidly before I jumped. Didn't we?" He looked at Vanya, and Allison felt her flinch under the sudden attention from everyone. She nodded jerkily nonetheless. "See?" Five continued without missing a beat. "So, yeah. _You_ guys need to be better. _All_ of you." They all wilted a little under his glare.

"Sorry, Vanya," Allison raised her eyebrows, and saw the others do the same before they all turned to Luther. Luther who, bless him, looked downright sheepish. _There he is,_ Allison thought, relief blossoming in her chest as he continued, "I - they're right. I - I want to be better. I'm just - scared. I don't want anything else bad to happen to anyone, but that includes you, too. I guess I keep forgetting you're bound to be even more scared than I am..." Vanya swallowed thickly, and raised her head to meet Luther's gaze.

 _She's so much braver than any of us ever gave her credit for_ , Allison thought to herself. _How did we ever miss this?_

"It's... thank you, Luther," she said quietly. She aimed for a smile. "I'm being as careful as I can, but it's - hard. I just - need you all to be patient with me, until I get a handle on it."

"Of course, Vanya," Allison said, squeezing her hand gently and smiling when Vanya turned to her. "We've all been there, with our own powers. If there's any way at all that we can help, we will. Just tell us."

"And if it all gets to be too much sometimes," Klaus said, looking at her with a gentle somberness that sent chills down Allison's spine, "if it all becomes a bit overwhelming, come talk to me. I know how that feels." Ben nodded beside him, an odd look in his eyes. Allison wondered, not for the first time, just what he had witnessed during his lifetime tethered to their brother.

Vanya smiled wider. Allison could almost call it a grin.

"I will," she said.

* * *

That night was the first night she and Vanya slept together.

Allison was woken in the early hours of the morning by her bed shaking. No, not her bed. Her whole floor. _Vanya_ , she realised, and was out the door in an instant. She waved away Ben's sleepy concerns and waited until he'd retreated back into his own room before she eased her sister's door open. She crept over to Vanya's bed, and sat beside her as she twitched and whimpered, every pained noise and expression twisting her heart. She placed a careful hand on a trembling shoulder.

"Vanya," she murmured. She shook her a little, then more insistently when she didn't wake. "Vanya, it's okay. You're okay. I'm here-" Finally, Vanya woke, and the faint tremors that seemed to have been affecting their entire sleeping area ceased. Vanya's eyes were wide, and filled with tears. Her face was pale, and her hand was shaking when Allison took it in hers. Vanya flinched at the contact and turned her terrified gaze to Allison.

"A-Allison," her face crumpled. "I'm _sorry_..." Allison tucked her head into her shoulder, and wrapped her arms around her tightly, the same way she used to with Claire, though the effect was quite different since they were both children.

"It's okay Vanya," she whispered, over and over until the shuddering sobs began to quiet.

"Don't go," came Vanya's quiet, quiet plea. "Please don't leave me alone."

"Shh," Allison soothed her, maneuvering them both until they were lying on the bed side by side. She ran her hand through Vanya's hair, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "It's alright, Vanya. You're not alone. I won't leave you. I'm here, and I'm not going _any_ where."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found writing Allison very difficult, surprisingly. Also, I do not support Allison/Luther, and every relationship in this fic will be platonic, but it is something that may come up every now and then, in reflection. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading, and to everyone who had given me kudos or comments, I love you all!


End file.
